To Potty, or Not to Potty...What's a mom to do?

Let me start by saying that it has been 2 years of turmoil with this issue and I am about ready to explode!!! And, I promise to go back over this before I post it and insert gratuitous humor in places where it may be lacking in all this crap.

Yep, we screwed up. We started training my son too soon. Our bad, bummer, should have read more books, mea culpa, etc., etc....

We used rewards--M & M's, toys, anything at all that we thought would work. All that was 2 years ago. Since then it has been no praise/no blame, the "ignore it and the behavior will change" approach, "you'll use the potty when your body is ready" approach, giving him an unlimited supply of pants and underwear in a day (for 6 months), and the ONE pair of underwear and pants for a day, and he spends the rest of the time naked, and we leave from where we are, or don't leave the house, approach (for another 6 months, until now). Now we are living with the aftermath of what we did wrong, but also with the corrections we have tried relentlessly to implement. I can say, with all sincerity...we have tried EVERYTHING, and we are as lost as a blind man in a dark alley...full of dirty undershorts!

And, before I hear from the other camp, yes, we have also tried NOTHING...several times.

The longer this goes on, the more I fear I am causing some kind of irreparable Freudian trauma to my poor boy...(look for the theme of traumatizing our children in a future post)! On the other hand, how many more times can hear the response of "I just didn't want to stop what I was doing," before I undo all the hard work we have put into this mess and throw diapers at the poor boy while I throw every pair of dinosaur and superhero underwear out the flippin' window!!!?

He is not "learning" how to do this anymore. He knows how and what to do, can hear his body, knows the difference between when he has to pee and to poop, and knows where the bathroom is...he is just choosing not to use it. Here's what the pediatrician says, "it is not physical, it is in his head and it has to be his choice." Yes, I get it, but...but...but...ENOUGH!! Choose my way, dammit!!

Here is where we are...this has to stop. Kindergarten is coming, and I do not want my adorable little boy having a nickname like "pee-pee pants Golden" or something worse sticking with him through high school. Kids are cruel, and I don't feel like I'm doing a good job if I don't try to do something now to protect him. Before it was questions of does he know how to listen to his body? Can he not feel it coming? Is it a physical problem? Those questions have been answered. The simple truth is he doesn't care. And why do I so much, you must be asking? Because I am ok with "accidents" they happen, no big deal.

However, when your 5 year old son, who has the vocabulary of a 6th grader and the reading comprehension to go with it, looks up at you from the living room carpet (as he is playing a game with EDIBLE cheerios) with poop on his feet, underneath him, and all over his butt and says to me as I ask "why didn't you use the potty?" (as it is literally 6 feet from where he is playing) "I just didn't want to stop what I was doing"...all rationality goes out the window.

That, and all the laundry....my life is laundry and I just can't deal with anymore than absolutely necessary in my new family of five.

I did however, keep it together with him long enough to have the "talk" about germs, and I did play the "disappointed mom" card. What worries me, is that the next step is anger, from either me or my hubby. That is not a card we have played yet, and part of me wonders if it might be time to do so, regardless of what all the parenting books and advice say. From what I hear, it worked for me when I was 3 and Dad lost it after I pooped on the floor in front of him.

Ahhhh, Karma, you work in such wondrous ways.

All that being said, I know this too shall pass. He will not be in high school with this problem. I love my boy! He is bright, and funny, and if I didn't have to constantly worry that urine or fecal matter were hiding, unseen, ready to strike I could be a better mom. At the very least, a less grumpy one. The baby is not crawling yet, but God help us if this is not over by the time she is...I see quarantine to his bedroom then, naked, save for the saran wrap I use...unless we go the diaper route.

Until next time...

What have I gotten myself into??

So much more than I expected, more work, more learning, navigating through all the web stuff and instructions...blah, blah, blah. Ok, I think I have made enough headway to actually post something. Whether or not that something is worth reading, we'll soon see. Yes, I am officially putting myself out there, revisiting the world of writing I discovered more than 15 years ago. I have boxes of old notes, stories, witty anecdotes (ok, so maybe more full of shit than wit), and random babblings of the me before marriage and children. I guess I feel that I might have more to offer now, after the vows and toilet training. Maybe there are funnier stories, more poignant and relevant than the "know-it-all" ramblings of a 21 year old! But I'll let you be the judges...

First things first, a little background for those who don't know me much beyond facebook hellos, casual playdates, friends of friends, or blasts from the past. Hopefully it is not too much, and not too little. I've always been a compatiblist so finding the middle ground is like home for me. Here goes:

I WAS: a student of philosophy suckered into not one, but two degrees, a professor (of sorts) of the aforementioned subject, quite fond of the critical thinking and introduction to philosophy courses as my specialty was incorporating philosophy into a public school K-12 curriculum (Ha! Told you I was a sucker!). I always felt that with philosophy you either loved it or hated it, and it all depended on the professor who introduced you to it. Hopefully my following was of the former mindset, though I never took an actual poll. The bottom line is that I loved thinking and teaching all the weird stuff that made people think either you were waaay off your rocker, or that you were one of the bright bulbs in the bunch, regardless of what my students thought. However, I discovered it was not an either/or, but both a little insanity and brilliance were necessary for success in the subject.

I AM: not a professor anymore, unless you count the daily lectures to my children.
A SAHM (stay at home mom: not to condescend, but at first I thought a SAHM was some kind of new disease, or secret hip term for some teenage texting code parents were too dumb to decipher) who has obviously been out of the adult reality loop for a while, and a part time candy maker selling her wares any place that will stock them and giving most away as free samples in the hopes of self-promotion. I've been married for 7 years, and in the way of children, have a 5 year old "Little Man Tate" as some of his teachers have called him, a 3 1/2 year old spitfire of a daughter who finds joy in the challenge of making you smile at her as you reprimand her for some behavioral infraction or sly attempt at deceit, and a 2 1/2 month old baby girl who has yet to find a way to piss me off! I just can't find fault with the whole sleeping through the night, eating like a champ, and smiling at every feeble attempt I make to get a grin out of her...I feel it is the calm before the storm, though, before you other parents of newborns and young infants decide to send a hit man and take me out!

I WANT: to find my way back into writing, maybe be successful enough not to have to go back to school and earn a degree that I can actually use. A girl can dream right? I mean, if Tori Spelling and a SAHM with a whacked Stephen King-ish nightmare turned multi-million dollar franchise can do it why not me? Don't get me wrong, love Tori, watch her show, and enjoy empathizing with the chaos, the friction caused by children entering a marriage, and the day to day life struggle of a Hollywood star trying to have a "normal" life (ok, so I am not a star, but the "normal" life thing is at least a very common theme you don't need head shots or movie credits to understand). And I have even been known to enjoy anything vampire-related for as long as I can remember. I'll also admit to reading almost every word Stephen King has ever written (more than once in most cases), and watching every inane vampire/witch/magic/supernatural show I can find the time to enjoy. But the real question is, can I turn all of this random babbling into something that can satisfy both the practical and creative sides of me? Who knows, but at the very least I hope you enjoy taking the journey with me.

Until next time....