Let me start by saying that it has been 2 years of turmoil with this issue and I am about ready to explode!!! And, I promise to go back over this before I post it and insert gratuitous humor in places where it may be lacking in all this crap.
Yep, we screwed up. We started training my son too soon. Our bad, bummer, should have read more books, mea culpa, etc., etc....
We used rewards--M & M's, toys, anything at all that we thought would work. All that was 2 years ago. Since then it has been no praise/no blame, the "ignore it and the behavior will change" approach, "you'll use the potty when your body is ready" approach, giving him an unlimited supply of pants and underwear in a day (for 6 months), and the ONE pair of underwear and pants for a day, and he spends the rest of the time naked, and we leave from where we are, or don't leave the house, approach (for another 6 months, until now). Now we are living with the aftermath of what we did wrong, but also with the corrections we have tried relentlessly to implement. I can say, with all sincerity...we have tried EVERYTHING, and we are as lost as a blind man in a dark alley...full of dirty undershorts!
And, before I hear from the other camp, yes, we have also tried NOTHING...several times.
The longer this goes on, the more I fear I am causing some kind of irreparable Freudian trauma to my poor boy...(look for the theme of traumatizing our children in a future post)! On the other hand, how many more times can hear the response of "I just didn't want to stop what I was doing," before I undo all the hard work we have put into this mess and throw diapers at the poor boy while I throw every pair of dinosaur and superhero underwear out the flippin' window!!!?
He is not "learning" how to do this anymore. He knows how and what to do, can hear his body, knows the difference between when he has to pee and to poop, and knows where the bathroom is...he is just choosing not to use it. Here's what the pediatrician says, "it is not physical, it is in his head and it has to be his choice." Yes, I get it, but...but...but...ENOUGH!! Choose my way, dammit!!
Here is where we are...this has to stop. Kindergarten is coming, and I do not want my adorable little boy having a nickname like "pee-pee pants Golden" or something worse sticking with him through high school. Kids are cruel, and I don't feel like I'm doing a good job if I don't try to do something now to protect him. Before it was questions of does he know how to listen to his body? Can he not feel it coming? Is it a physical problem? Those questions have been answered. The simple truth is he doesn't care. And why do I so much, you must be asking? Because I am ok with "accidents" they happen, no big deal.
However, when your 5 year old son, who has the vocabulary of a 6th grader and the reading comprehension to go with it, looks up at you from the living room carpet (as he is playing a game with EDIBLE cheerios) with poop on his feet, underneath him, and all over his butt and says to me as I ask "why didn't you use the potty?" (as it is literally 6 feet from where he is playing) "I just didn't want to stop what I was doing"...all rationality goes out the window.
That, and all the laundry....my life is laundry and I just can't deal with anymore than absolutely necessary in my new family of five.
I did however, keep it together with him long enough to have the "talk" about germs, and I did play the "disappointed mom" card. What worries me, is that the next step is anger, from either me or my hubby. That is not a card we have played yet, and part of me wonders if it might be time to do so, regardless of what all the parenting books and advice say. From what I hear, it worked for me when I was 3 and Dad lost it after I pooped on the floor in front of him.
Ahhhh, Karma, you work in such wondrous ways.
All that being said, I know this too shall pass. He will not be in high school with this problem. I love my boy! He is bright, and funny, and if I didn't have to constantly worry that urine or fecal matter were hiding, unseen, ready to strike I could be a better mom. At the very least, a less grumpy one. The baby is not crawling yet, but God help us if this is not over by the time she is...I see quarantine to his bedroom then, naked, save for the saran wrap I use...unless we go the diaper route.
Until next time...
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