Parenting sucks giant ostrich eggs...

As my 2 year old would say..."Now what?"
If only she knew what terror those words strike in my heart!  It is a bad day for me to write, or maybe one of the better ones.
My oldest two kids will be home in about an hour...talk about striking fear...

Really, I love my kids, honestly, I do.  But...what have I gotten myself into?  It is a dark place of parenting right now.  Tantrums, whining, fighting, kicking, hitting...I had to carry my 7 year old son onto the bus yesterday morning.  Literally, kicking and screaming...ugh.  Maybe not so much screaming as grunting as he head butts me under the chin "let go of me," because, yes, I sat on the bus seat with my arms wrapped around my sweet boy in a vice hug of ultimate parental humiliation.  Ok, that part wasn't as bad as stepping off the bus to the surprise of the other parents at the next stop.

Seriously, we have become "that family" with the cancelling of get togethers, no playdates, no friends over for dinner.  The paranoia sets in with the imagined (or not) whispers of "her kid is out of control, can't she do something?" I can barely enjoy an hour or two out as the Au Pair watches the kids for bedtime.  After several attempts at having friends with kids over for dinner or just a visit, and the constant threat of a Nuclear Meltdown amidst the constant bickering, fighting, and tattling of my sweet littles, we have drawn a line in the sand.  Nothing, nobody happens until Halloween.  And y,es, I have considered cancelling Halloween...fortunately, we are not there yet.

Yes, I know, poor you with the extra help...blah, blah, blah...however, this not the place I expected to be in when my oldest are 7 and 5.  I am probably overly concerned, however, at least I am concerned.  Every time I think I have failed as a parent I can at least remember that.  I care, so much in fact that it might be my fatal parental flaw.  That I wring my hands and search for better answers, try new things, actually talk about the problems and out myself as the deeply flawed parent I am, these are at least attempts at resolution, however unsuccessful they may be right now.

My challenge.  My first, my complex, cerebral, sweet boy...I love you, you make we want to be a better mom. As I watch how your behavior modeling trickles down to your younger sisters' behavior,  how I dread the teenage years...
Time to get shit together, fill up the parenting tool box, buck up, sit tight, hold on for dear life, and perhaps...even pray...that the road ahead, bumpy as it may be,
(as a dear friend pointed out to me today)
will be okay.  It will all be OK, it just needs a little more than duct tape...

So if you are one of the many friends who has gotten the, "sorry, we are not available until November" message, it is not you, it is us.  We must get the house in order, and then perhaps visiting with us will be enjoyable once again.

Until next time...